Monday, August 11, 2014

It Occured To Me That..I'm That.

They say, age makes you wiser. Not for everyone though, but it works for me. Not only does getting "older" has made me wiser, it has also taught me to be stronger. Less worries. Less drama. Just being grateful every single day.

One thing that I learned greatly, is that the quality of life you live heavily depends on the people you are surrounded with. I was not brought up in such a good environment, that I had to be bullied by my teachers and friends. My mom's a witness btw so I'm not making this up. It was toxic, and it took a huge part of myself, making me feel scared to live my life - taking away my youth in a way. But mom never pulled me out of that environment. She taught me to be strong, to get pass it, to just focus on my studies and achieve good grades. I didn't understand at that time. I felt tortured. The whole process was painful. But I survived. And I graduated from all my elementary, primary and high school as Best Student continuously.

Did I get any acknowledgment from my school? No. It was a slap on my face. I felt like "working hard" and "achieving good grades" turn out to not matter at all. So I became sort of a rebel during my university times. I arrive late in class, I sit in the most back row, I sleep during classes, I never take notes. I just hated the whole thing. Fast forward, I graduated and I survived.

Looking back at those years, I feel like if there was anyone to blame, it would be...myself. I think, I was too weak. I allowed people to hurt me. I allowed the environment to affect me. I learned from S that we ought to stand up and speak up for ourselves. If only I was slightly "louder", perhaps life would have been less miserable for me at that time.

Nowadays, I feel more confident to speak up. To stand up for the things I believe in. If things don't change, I decide to leave and move on. I don't want to be surrounded by negative energy coming from negative people. I choose to be among those who inspire me, in hopes that I can inspire others too. I no longer worry about people who talk bad about me, who mistreat me, and those who look down on me. Because their voice do not matter anymore.

The memories of myself being bullied by friends, by teachers, they still remain inside my head. I think it's hard to completely eliminate such bitter feelings. But they don't affect me anymore. Instead, I use them as a motivation to be better. To succeed in the things I do. And a reminder to not treat people the way they treated me.

I also learned that achievements are not for anyone else but ourselves. It does not matter if other people don't care. Because our achievements are for our own sake - to mark our own milestones, and move on. It is the people you love who matters the most. To make them proud and happy. If they are happy for you, then that means more than anything else.

I now think, that if we don't like something, get out. Just get out of it. Get rid of it. Life's too short to be spent like that. Find a new pond where you can swim free and happy, no matter how small or big. Even better, make your own pond.

Happy Monday..:)

 

17 comments:

anggirasavbam said...

Jadi teringat zaman smp dulu lo yang selalu terbaik dikelas lah di. 3tahun sekelas sama lo, menjadi saksi kalau lo luar biasa pinternya. Inget ga dulu kalau ulangan matematika lo disirih duduk dikursi guru dan dikasih soal beda dari kita-kita. Itu membuktikan kalau lo luar biasa. Dan yang paling membanggakan lo dapet nem 50 dari 5 mata pelajaran.
Semoga selalu sukses ya di... dan terus menginspirasi banyak generasi muda.

Fenny Wong said...

Hi Diana, speaking up is one of the thing that us Asian have been struggling to do for ourselves. I guess our early education didn't encourage us to do so: we're forced to wear uniforms to school, we have to conform to every rules, we're even discouraged when we ask questions in class. It's different with Western education system whereas the individuality of children was put in the first row. In my opinion that system has made us into the person we are today; you will notice in the lecture hall when we're in college. When the lecturer asked whether we had questions, we'll most likely to fall silent.

xxx MODEmoiselle on Bloglovin.

bukanbocahbiasa said...

Well Said, Diana! Keren banget. Untuk masalah filosofis yang "berat" aja, kamu bisa mengungkapkannya dengan style yang Diana Rikasari banget.

Thanks for sharing, Diana. Jujur, aku dulu sempat beranggapan kalau hidup kamu enyaaaaakk terus, heheheh... Ternyata, setiap orang punya ladang juang masing-masing yak.

anggirasavbam said...

Jadi teringat zaman smp dulu lo yang selalu terbaik dikelas lah di. 3tahun sekelas sama lo, menjadi saksi kalau lo luar biasa pinternya. Inget ga dulu kalau ulangan matematika lo disirih duduk dikursi guru dan dikasih soal beda dari kita-kita. Itu membuktikan kalau lo luar biasa. Dan yang paling membanggakan lo dapet nem 50 dari 5 mata pelajaran.
Semoga selalu sukses ya di... dan terus menginspirasi banyak generasi muda.

Anonymous said...

if someone ask me, what makes Diana Rikasari inspire you? i will surely answer "her thought"

Thank youuu. I learn a lot from you.

Nika Yunitri said...

Always like your beautiful words, Kak Di :)

Ario Achda said...

i might have said this earlier.
i didn't come as a fan of your personal style choice *which of course i respect*, but your words...it speaks beyond greatness. Your haters should "read" you rather than just "see" your color palette.

Truly inspired

Regards

ms.bulat said...

Thank you for writing this :) Thank you

Angela said...

It's strange that you call the people that bullied you "friends". Certainly they weren't.

Cindy Khor said...

So very well said... It really takes so much more courage and bravery to stand up for yourself and reject bullying.

I was bullied when I was 15 for God-knows-what where my so-called friends ostracised me and talk behind my back and gang up on me. I was the lonely girl in the class. I never understood their actions (or my actions either as I allow this to happen over a year) until I was a year older.

I was never the same again. Thus, I despise bullying. I regretted not being brave and stand on my ground. I regretted not taking action against such behaviour.

But now that I'm wiser, I grew stronger. Although sometimes I rather be in solitary, I know better now to love myself more and stop giving a s*** about what others think (excuse the language please).

Thanks Diana for writing this post which I can resonate so much. Truly appreciate your reminder and may all of us grow to be an even better person. ^_^

deci said...

Thank you for this post and your post 2 years ago, that you put on the link. It's just like a reminder for me that life goes on. God never put us on hardships and the things that scares us for nothing. It's just what makes us even stronger. I always worry about what people thinks about me and the comments they give. But actually if we have a positive mind, we don't need to worry about that and actually can speak up and defend ourselves.

Really inspiring. thanks for sharing it with us, readers! :)
Your

hanny arianty gultom said...

my experience of being a disregarded student, make me who i am rite now,and i become a teacher who always notice and listen.

hunz

Fouzna Tri A. said...

Selalu suka sama cara berpifikir kak Diana :)

Angeline Indriani said...

Kak Diii, you're so so so inspiring. I just want to tell you that I'm glad and thank you so much for sharing this which is basically what I need right now. =)

Anonymous said...

almost same experience with me...being the best student continuously, but feeling lonely because of the bully from my teachers and friends..but it was so sad there was no longer mother beside me at that time..
so you are sooo lucky to have a great mother beside you...

Milla said...

you're so coooollll!!!!

I do love your positive thought! thanks for inspiring us :')
may Allah bless you and your family :)

Anindita said...

i feel u kak di. thanks for sharing :)

Blogging tips